Finding Strength In Community

A couple of months ago, the article “Trust Yourself, Not Your Fear” was published. Give it a read here. In it, I essentially spoke on the importance of betting on yourself through moments of uncertainty, self-doubt and sabotage as well as dealing with the fear of “what’s next?”.

It was entirely centred on self, as I believe that the relationship one has with themselves sets the foundation for the life they will live. After it was written and published, I reflected on quite a few things, one being my journey to where I am today. It then became apparent to me that I couldn’t have done it alone.

In as much as one’s relationship with self is imperative, it is also important to recognise that humans are not solitary beings. We are not entirely independent. We are interdependent. I depend on you for X and you depend on me for Y. We have all depended on someone and vice versa. Think about it…

Therefore, our relationships with those around us adds to the foundation of what I would call a quality life.

There were moments where I was my own worst enemy, feeding myself the most negative of thoughts. Other moments saw me being unable to muster the strength to keep on keeping on and going for what I knew I was destined for and deserved. In those moments, the proverbial light that was my inner self-belief switched off and left me in the dark.

It was in those moments that I couldn’t lean on myself and instead, could only lean on my support system.

According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary, a support system can be described as “a network of people who provide an individual with practical or emotional support.”

My support system, which consists of an intimate group of less than five individuals, were my voices of reason. They would listen to my rants, and share in my frustration. They would hear my cries and offer words of solace, warm hugs and tissues. They would even sit in silence with me, as they knew that I just needed them to be there. No words, no nothing. Their presence was simply enough.

Sometimes I wondered if I was too overbearing, but I was assured that I wasn’t, simply because they loved me – selflessly, unconditionally and without fail.

The warmth and affirmation they provided, which I felt so deeply within, nourished me and slowly by slowly, my inner light began to glow again. Even when said light came back in all its glory, and fully and wholeheartedly glowed, they did not relent in their support. Instead, it only increased simply because to them, I could not go back to being a shadow of myself.

Could I have some not-so-good moments here and there? Sure. But these moments would not bury their parasitic roots within me. Not on their watch, and through the love they had instilled in me, not on my watch either.

With that, I say that the relationship one has with themselves is just as important as the relationship they have with their support group. As much as they are different in their own ways, they are also very similar in the sense that they are essential for life. A good life.

It seems almost instinctual to isolate yourself when facing internal battles. In hindsight, I see it as counter-instinctual, as the first thing one does when in danger, is cry out for help. If your house is on fire, you call the fire department. If you’ve been robbed, you call the police. If you’re sick, you call for the doctor.

Therefore, why is it that when the essence of who we are, be it the lives we’ve built for ourselves, our mental states, our confidence and self-worth are in jeopardy and under attack, we sit in the chaos and wait for it to finish us off?

Maybe we feel as though we’d be a bother to those around us, or that the situation isn’t that big of a deal. Spoiler alert: if it bothers you, it IS a big deal! Don’t invalidate your feelings.

Nowadays, when I go through what I call “dips” in my life, I like to remind myself that a battle is better fought with an army rather than single-handedly. It’s too much for one person to bear. Just imagine if you carried the armour, food, water and weapons, had to keep watch at night AND fight in the morning? Wouldn’t you be exhausted? Now compare that to having a fully-fledged army behind you. Wouldn’t you be better prepared and equipped to fight (and win) the battle? Exactly my point.

Without my support group, my life would’ve taken a turn for the worse, in ways I don’t like to think about. But then, I smile as I remember all the love and care and support they showed me. It is my one wish to requite tenfold.

You may read this and think of all the times your support group showed up for you when you couldn’t show up for yourself. To you, I say love on them as they have loved on you. Thank them for all that they are and show them that they are loved and appreciated.

You may also read this and feel a pang in your heart, remembering the support group that once was and is no more. To you, I offer a big, big virtual hug and hope, from the bottom of my heart, that you find a group that pours into you just as you pour into them. But in the meantime, lean into yourself and build that relationship with all the love and support you wish to receive. It shall come back to you in the form of the community you seek.

Lastly, to those who feel as though they have no one in their corner looking out for them, know that you are not alone. There are many others like you. You are not an anomaly or unworthy of love and support. Your people are somewhere out there waiting for you. Yearning for you, even. It is my hope that the stars align and you join forces soon. But for now, I implore you to develop your relationship with yourself and become your biggest cheerleader. I know it’s hard to do when times get tough, but that is what is needed at this moment. Otherwise, I am cheering you on, wherever you are! All will be well!

This post is dedicated to each and every one of you who have been someone to lean on, a voice of reason and encouragement, affirming your fellow human being that their life is worthy of living and living well. Thank you for all that you do and for all that you are!