I will never regret not having an abortion…. I love my daughter.
Here’s a Q&A with A woman and her unexpected pregnancy….
A little bit about myself…
My name is Ketsia Bella. I was born in Congo, Kinshasa. I moved to Canada when I was just 11 months old. I’m my mom’s only daughter…. With 4 brothers. My parents eventually got divorced and my dad moved to the States. We all stayed in Canada with our mom. So I basically got raised by a single mother.
Tell us more on how you got pregnant.
Well, I had a boyfriend. We were in a long-distance relationship… he was living in the States and I was in Canada. I met him when I was very young. Like 18? So when I’d go visit him I would stay for a while then come back. My pregnancy was definitely not planned.
How and when did you find out you were pregnant?
I found out I was pregnant when we actually ended things. I really wasn’t feeling well and I don’t know why I didn’t pay attention to my period being late. I eventually went to the hospital and did some lab tests. I only found out 4 months into my pregnancy.
How old were you when you got pregnant?
I was 22… going on 23.
How did this make you feel?
Well, I went to the States to visit my ex even before I knew I was pregnant.I really tried to make things work but it just wasn’t working out… So when I found out I was pregnant, I called him and he told me we’re not together so it only makes sense that I go for an abortion. And I agreed. I was young.. I mean not that young. But still, motherhood was not something that I was looking forward to at that time.
Did your mom find out?
Yes, she did… when I wasn’t feeling well, I went to the hospital to get checked. They usually call you to tell you your lab results so I had given my house phone number since I didn’t have a phone and my mom pretended to be me when they called.
She told me not to do anything stupid because she said she had a dream that a girl was getting an abortion.
So what happened after?
I went to a clinic in my city and when my lab results came in, they told me that my iron level was way too low… I have anemia so that’s very common for anemic people. But I was already 4 months pregnant, I had no time. I needed to do it right away. So I decided to go to a clinic in Toronto where they actually do abortion procedures up to 6 months. But even when I got there.. Same thing!! They said they can’t take me in because my iron level is too low and it’ll be dangerous for me. At that point, I was just like well…… Maybe it’s God’s plan to keep this baby after all.. So I came back to Ottawa and started working again up to 8 months because I wanted to make sure my baby didn’t lack anything. I didn’t want to depend on my mom for everything, she was already doing so much.
Did you ever end up telling your ex you kept the baby?
yes, I eventually told him that It was too late for me to go through with the abortion so I kept it. He was apologizing and telling me he was sorry I had to go through all of that. That he was happy I kept it.
Did you get back with him?
No… I did not. I know that when you get pregnant sometimes you really want it to work with your father’s baby, but I tried. I wasn’t going to stay with him just because I was pregnant and unhappy. I stopped having a phone because I wanted to cut all contact with him. Everything about him was mostly negative, I wanted to stay healthy for my baby.
When did you give birth?
I had Abby on July 20th, had her two weeks earlier than my due date,
How was the whole birth experience? Was it scary to you?
I grew up very strong, due to the fact I was raised by a single mother. I just realized that now… I need to become more responsible and mature. I need to get myself together. I was not scared, I was just focused. But the whole experience hmmm… I felt so uncomfortable, I thought I needed to go to the bathroom. And when I went to pee it was my water that broke. My mom called the ambulance and we went to the hospital. My contractions were out of this world, I was in labor for 14 hours. I couldn’t even keep food down, kept throwing up but as soon as I got Epaderol I was like GOD IS GOOD!!!!
How did holding her for the first time make you feel?
Sis…. if I am, to be honest. A tear came out while holding her but I was so exhausted. I was extremely happy. I only told my child’s father after two weeks, he was obviously upset but at that point, I didn’t care about him anymore. I had high blood pressure so I had to stay in the hospital for a few days.
Did your mom make your pregnancy easier?
Yes, of course. She would bring me to my appointments. She would babysit. She still does! And she’s always there for me and my daughter.
How did motherhood change your life?
What really changed was that now I had someone who depends on me and looks up to me. And knowing that is just out of this world.
Do people sometimes believe you’re a single mom because they think your child’s father left you? Yes, of course! But I didn’t become a single mom because my child’s father left me or something, no. I am a single mom by choice. I obviously tried making it work for my baby, but at the end of the day, it’s what can make me happy. If I’m happy I know my baby will be a happy baby as well. I don’t regret anything.
To you what’s the best part of being a mother?
Just watching my child grow….
Turning into her own personality. It’s beautiful.
Seeing a little bit of myself in her. It’s pretty LIT lol
What’s one thing you’d want your daughter to remember while growing up?
To remember she was always surrounded by love and care… I never want her to forget that! Because that’s important.
What advice would you give to single mothers?
- Have a good support system
- Always Put your trust in God. ALWAYS
- Don’t ever be scared to ask or reach for help, it’s important. (family, friends, etc)
- Be around good energy, stay away from stress.
- It should never be an end of the world thing. We women are strong so see it as a blessing.